Promises, Promises

Last year I took people at their word when they made promises to me and admittedly felt a bit naïve when they failed to deliver. However, this year I made a promise to myself that I would not rest too comfortably on the promises of people. What I sadly discovered was that while many these people were well intentioned they never associated their promise as a bond.

Not one to be daunted for very long by disappointment I sought to look for the valuable lessons found in the disappointment of broken promises and here are a few little nuggets of wisdom that I'd like to share with you:

1. Whenever someone makes a promise it's a good and hopeful idea to give them the benefit of the doubt.

2. If someone breaks a promise then try to see if there were extenuating circumstances that prevented them from delivering. If there were unpreventable circumstances forgive, clear the slate of resentment, and move on.

3. Try to recall if breaking promises is a consistent pattern with this individual and if it is exercise vigilance when dealing with this person in the future.

4. If this person continues to break promises you may want to choose confront them on their inconsistent behavior, keep them at arm’s length, or rid them from your life altogether.

5. Persist in the face of disappointment and trust that there are people out there that are willing to help you. There are a lot of positive and helpful people out there so do not allow a series of disappointments to make you jaded or cynical about acquiring people’s help when you need it.

6. Take responsibility for your own wishes being carried out and do-it-yourself.

7. Remember that your strong sense of health, well-being, and balance is very much controlled by the choices that you make, what you think, how you react, and by what you can control.

What I’ve learned that it’s a great idea to occasionally assess and prune some of your friendships and to ensure that you are keeping quality and healthy relationships in your life. A person who consistently breaks promises is someone that cannot be trusted and that’s not healthy. I love to say to people who consistently break promises “I cannot hear a word that you are saying because your actions are speaking so loudly”.

So, do you consistently keep your promises?

Cherish The Love

Well, I cannot believe that we are at the end of January already. Where does the time go? Friends have asked where I've been since my last post and not to pull a downer right away I lost three close friends in the month of December and when I thought it could now worse it did and my Uncle & Godfather died a day after Boxing Day. So I've been grieving for these considerable losses. I've been thinking just how to extract some good out of the sadness and over the course of the next four posts I'll do just that by sharing the intrinsic wisdom that each of these remarkable individuals brought into my life.

My friend Edith taught the value of being able to still smile in the face of adversity. She always presented and optimistic and hopeful demeanor and always had a twinkle of mischievousness in her eye. Her example of faithful service to others was not lost on me and she also taught me the value of simplicity and expressing honest and heartfelt for those you love. Though I miss her terribly her legacy of love and example has made me grateful and inspired to emulate her positive attributes.

On another note I've have been "visioneering" and doing some hard core goal setting for this year. I recently read a wonderful and helpful book by Brian Tracy entitled "Goals" and it has been an excellent resource and guide during my planning process. One of my favourite quotes on planning is from the Bible that simply says "Where there is no vision the people perish".

I envision that 2012 will be a great year with many lessons to learn, many remarkable people yet to meet, and opportunities to leave and indelible and meaningful footprint of love and contribution.

Cheers to you and hope dear friends that you will cherish those you love.

When "Good Enough" isn't Good Enough

Recently I was visiting a very sick friend (who has since passed away)at a local hospital when I noticed the most attractive elderly woman at the bus stop on my way home. She looked very distinguished,her hair was well coiffed, her makeup applied flawlessly, and she was dressed impeccably. I felt utterly compelled to pay her a compliment and did so by telling her how abosolutely gorgeous she looked. She accepted my compliment graciously and said that she had noticed my attire and thought I looked great. I thanked her. She then explained that her late husband well taken care of by the doctors and nurses of the hospital during his illness and that she volunteered there three times a week as a way of giving back. She proceeded to tell me why she felt compelled to look her best. She said "I have a friend and everytime we get together she just throws something on, her hair half done, and no make up, not even a little lipstick, and quite honestly she looks like a slob. When I ask her why she does not make the effort to pull herself together she tells me "this is good enough"." She continues to tell me that "Good enough" is not good enough and will never befor her. She explained that at least 50 people see her on her way to the hospital and another 50 people see her on her way home. She said "That's approximately 100 people thre times a week that I'm making a first impression upon and I don't want their impression to be of a slob". "I see looking my best as the gift of beauty to everyone I encounter. I look my best for me and so that I can give that gift of beauty to others ". what a novel concept as I never thought about it that way before but this woman was providing me with a new angle on putting my best foot forward. Now everytime I get ready to go somewhere her words are a gentle reminder of the secret gift that we have to give .. presenting our best selves to the world. So is "Good enough" good enough for you?

Strength, Courage and Wisdom

I feel the strongest when I'm faith-filled empowered with an unwavering belief and trust in the power of God's goodness. I also feel my strongest when I'm single-minded,tenacious, and exercise laser focus on my goals. Clarity can provide a sense of Strength too.

Stay tuned for more!

Live to Give

There is an intrinsic power in giving. Giving involves mindfulness and pure motive.

Stay tuned for more!

The Most Important Question ... ever!

Want to know what the most important question you'll ever be asked in your lifetime? Stay tuned!

Love is a choice

I’m in love with love. This idea of love in all its grandeur, splendour, complexity, and mystery has held my interest for what seems like an eternity … well at least 48 years of that eternity. Many of the movies that I watch are about love - Love Jones, Shakespeare in Love, Love Story, and Love Actually, you get my drift.

I am of the firm belief that ‘Love’ is a choice. It’s a decision and a choice. Love is also a verb. It’s active that we choose to make and take daily. One of the most beautiful statements about love was written by the Apostle Paul to the Corinthians in which he implores …

“If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.”

Love can seem sometimes like that elusive dream or that dangling carrot. Metaphorically love can take on the form a cartoon character like The Road Runner and sometimes we can feel like the Wiley Coyote always chasing the Road Runner only to be tripped up by some folly. Of course the Road Runner always seems to have the last laugh and love can seem like that at times but it can also be unbelievably fulfilling, simple, breath-taking, unbelievably satisfying, pure and true.

Ultimately love is a decision and a choice. Love is not some passive thing but in fact active with ‘legs’ on it. If love is patient, kind, not envious, or boastful, proud or evil, and rejoices in truth and is protective, trustworthy, hopeful, and persevering it definitely takes a major decision and choice to make this all of these things happen. Love is challenging, multi-faceted, and multi-dimensional. It can be like a diamond in the rough where you and I are its miner and refiner.

I've discovered that there are four (yes four) major types of love - Phileo (brotherly and friendship love) and Agape (Godly or selfless love) and Storge (kindred of family love) and Eros (Erotic and sexual desire). I’m sure there are many more types of love as I’d find it hard to believe that love could be so easy to define.

I have met a few people who have been really cynical about life and love but thank goodness I have had the luxury of meeting living examples of ‘love in motion’ who have kept my hope and belief in love alive. As someone who is currently single and who hopes one day to marry I have always been curious how couples who have been happily married for years stay that way. My friends Gladys and Don Webb were married more than 50 years. When I asked them what their secret happy marriage was Gladys responded “we made a life-long decision to love each other and when we took our vows and said ‘til death do us part’ we meant it. We accept each other exactly as we are, we don’t try to change each other, and we live to serve the other person selflessly”. Don shared with me over dinner one evening that he loved Gladys more in that moment than he did on the day they got married. He said “Carol, when I married her she was a quiet little thing and now she is not so quiet and she’s not a little thing but I love her exactly the way she is, I have never cheated on my wife and I wouldn’t even dream of it, I simply adore that woman because she is my best friend and I believe that she is a gift directly from God to me”. I wanted to cry at his simple declaration of profound love for his wife. He told me that “Gladys is holding my hand in this life Carol and God will be holding my hand in the next”. I’m so grateful to have had that conversation with Don because within a little over a year he suddenly became ill and passed away. The good that remains is that Gladys is continually fed by the gratitude and memory of Don’s love and he has passed that legacy of love on to his sons who exemplify and bestow it on their wives.

Ruth and Ron Adams are two cherished friends of mine who have loved and lived selflessly, gently, lovingly, and respectfully for over the 54 years of their marriage. Ron was blind when they met and never had the chance to envision Ruth’s outward beauty but more importantly he had the advantage over many to solely focusing on her inner beauty. While many men of today are bedazzled by a woman’s outer beauty I wonder how many of them take the time to find out who she is on the inside? A waitress once asked Ruth and Ron what the secret to their successful marriage was and they individually replied “Commitment” and “Communication”. I would add selflessness, a great friendship, and a deep and abiding love and respect, true affection, and large doses of humour. Anytime I joined them for lunch I always got the sense that I was in the midst of two great friends who knew each other deeply. I also sense that they truly treasured the time that they spent together. There was an undeniable simpatico or a profound compatibility shared between these two lovely people and sprinkled with their complimentary sense of humour. I believe that great loves laugh a lot. Ron passed away in June of 2010 and I know that he is deeply missed by all who knew him and thank goodness Ruth and Ron’s daughters have found men that love them with that same kind of intensity and the same kind selfless love that their father had loved their mother with.

Love is to be embodied, radiated, and shared lavishly with everyone you can. It’s not to be coveted. But what about the difficult to love? The troublesome daughter, son, parent, relative friend, or coworker? How do we love them? I would suggest to love them in the same way that porcupines love each other… very carefully. And my closing words to you dear reader about love is this … See love, be love, and give love.